The First Day... Part Two

He was never so relieved to pull into the parking lot behind the fire station. Red Rock’s Station House Three was actually only the second fire station currently open, House Two having closed three years back. Located on Darby Road, the fire station served the entire community past the railroad tracks up to the city limits to the west. House One covered the area east of the tracks all the way to the shoreline bordering the Detroit River. Thanks to three industrial giants who made Red Rock, Michigan their home for manufacturing plants, the city was able to keep abreast of some of the newer firefighting technologies, although the Fire Department was still awaiting word on the latest infrared equipment. Roy wasn’t the only one in the department to hope that they would get the funding to pay for it, as infrared would make it so much easier to locate victims trapped in a heavily smoke-filled building.

Looking up at the old brick building with its ancient watchtower keeping an eye on the city, Roy allowed the comfort of his second home to wash away the chaos in his soul. He loved this place and most of the guys in it. Here was family that stood by you through thick and thin, unconditionally accepting you as part of the team. Here other guys would risk their lives for yours, and you would do the same for them. Being a member of the brotherhood of firefighters was something Roy had been looking for way before he was old enough to attend the academy.

No sooner had he walked in the door, eager to soak in the sometimes-chaotic sanity that accompanied an average shift, than the captain gestured him into his office. His insides still quivering from the trauma of facing the last place his wife had breathed her last, Roy followed his superior and sat in the chair offered to him. He couldn’t avoid confronting the cross that hung on the wall just behind Sanders’ desk. Just what he didn’t need right now, to have to see religious trappings of some god who, if he existed at all, had allowed his wife to die so horribly. But then, that was Sanders. Before he had made first lieutenant, then captain, nobody in the whole company had been crazy about his spirituality. Roy had seen him as just another Japheth Moore, a man prone to puritanism and self-righteousness to the point of “spare the rod, spoil the child,” who took over when Roy’s mother had progressed so deeply into her alcoholism that she could no longer take adequate care of him. But soon Roy found that where Japheth had been all fire and brimstone, Bill Sanders was quite the opposite, deep in his faith, yet never self-righteous. The younger guys still poked fun at Sanders’ faith behind his back (and some-- even in this day and age-- poked fun at his race), but Roy had to respect him, even if he didn’t agree with his views.

Sanders sat down at the desk, folded his dark hands in front of him. He regarded Roy for a moment, then scratched his graying head. “Are you sure you’re ready to come back, Roy?”

“I’m fine. I was getting a little sick of staying home, anyway.” Roy laughed half-heartedly, trying to lighten his mood but not succeeding. He sighed. “I need to get back into it, Captain. I need the old routine back.”

Sanders nodded, then smiled. “We’re glad to have you back, Roy. If there’s anything we can do--”

Roy waved his hand. “I know, I know.” He didn’t mean to be short tempered, but the conflicts with his daughters, especially Kelly, had set him in a bad mood he was finding hard to shake. He looked up at Sanders again, noticed the appraising look on the officer’s face. “Sorry, Captain. I had a problem with my daughters this morning. I didn’t mean to snap.”

“I understand.” Sanders paused, his gray eyebrows furrowed. “How’re you doing?”

Roy hesitated, wary of where the conversation was going. “I’m doing about as well as can be expected, Captain.”

Sanders grunted, lowered his eyes. “I’m sure you are. But this is a terrible burden for any man. Have you talked to your priest about this?”

“About what? How God made Marie suffer? How He took her away from me before her time?” The words just flowed out before Roy could stop himself. “Sorry, Captain, but I’m not a religious man. I never have been.” He bit his tongue, realized he’d just made a serious mistake. The way Sanders looked, he was going to be sidelined for awhile longer.

The captain gazed at him, concern in the set of his jaw. “Will you do me a favor, then, Roy? Will you take advantage of the department’s Employee Assistance Program?”

Roy jerked his eyes away from Sanders, stared at the wood paneling that lined the walls. “With all due respect, sir, I don’t think I need a shrink.”

Sanders sighed. “I wish you would, Roy. You need to talk to somebody.”

Roy set his jaw, looked back at Sanders. “I’ll consider it, but I’m not making any promises.”

“That’s all I can ask for, Roy. I’d appreciate it.” Sanders smiled at him. “We want to make sure you’re going to be okay, that’s all. Not only for your own good, but for your coworkers as well. The last thing we need is for you to freeze up while on a call. Know what I mean?”

Roy nodded, his shoulders sagging. All the anger that had reared up inside him flooded out again, leaving him beaten and dull. “Maybe I’m not quite ready to come back yet.”

“Why don’t you take today off, try to get your head together?” Sanders sat back, rubbing his fingertips together. “You can just as easily come back for your shift on Thursday.”

“Yeah.” Roy nodded, a wan smile on his face. “I think I’ll do that. I’m sorry I was so rude, Captain. It’s been hard this past week.”

“Understandable.” Sanders clapped him on the shoulder. “We’re with you, Roy. Never forget that.” He walked with Roy to the door. “Take care of yourself, and we’ll see you back here on Thursday.”

“Thanks, Captain.” Roy smiled. “I’ll make sure I’m ready this time.”

“You do that.” Sanders furrowed his eyebrows. “And please seriously consider using the program. It’s not a horrible thing to talk to a psychiatrist.”

“I’ll consider it.”

“That’s all I can ask.”